YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
