dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
When did angry sex become our thing?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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