Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I'm having to shit out rocks
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