she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
