wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
