Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
