I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
im holly from the hills drunk
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
