I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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