I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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