If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
