I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize