So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
