Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
