What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
