That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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