how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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