So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
