i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
