ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
