You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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