My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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