i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It's blow job season.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
