Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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