I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
