If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
