he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
