he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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