I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
