Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
