You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
