So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
