Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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