Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
