I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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