just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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