Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
