yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
