I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
