The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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