Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
