i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
