Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
