Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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