Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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