The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
