He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
