gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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