i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm like, not good at living.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
