I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
