it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
