Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
