Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
