where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize