I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
