was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
