Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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