oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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