So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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