I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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