Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
