On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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