that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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