whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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