I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
