I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Naked Twister starts at high noon
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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