you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
