Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
