Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm getting married
To pizza
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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