we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
