Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She's just so happy...and so naked.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
