i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
