Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
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No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
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Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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