you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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