You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
