mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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