im six kinds of drunk right now
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
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I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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