The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
