I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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