I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
