You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
